soul-searching

hahaha. it's great how unfortunate turn of events lets you find yourself. these are the times that you should find yourself and you did. that's great but then there changes in your life. hahaha. medyo nakaget-over na ako sa nmat. i know i'm stupid, that's enough. i think i will go to atheisthood, i'm still a catholic but i will not be like what i used to be. naisip ko lang kasi parang bakit iyong ibang tao na hindi naman ganun ay pinagpapala. haha. i smell bitterness here. pero true naman. iyon lang talaga naisip ko. i will still believe in God and saints and miracles and everything but i will not be like what i used to be. sa akin na lang kung ano iyong mga pagbabago. maybe this is soul-searching.

few hours ago before i woke up, i dreamt of some scary things. hahaha. i was studying here at the table and it was midnight. *gosh* i don't study during those times since i'm scared most of the time. hahaha. wala lang. i just can't remember every details but i know it's scary. it's like when i'm highlighting the book i thought that someone would show up. darn freaky. *i'm the only one awake now in our house. i wake up early and i hate it* i realized that maybe i should retake and this time i will study. and if on my second take i failed and become depressed again, bye to med na talaga. i promise bleu. hindi lang siguro talaga kaya ng aking utak at katawan ang med. hahaha. hindi na ako maniniwala na dahil will iyon ni ... okay. instead, hindi lang talaga kaya. that's it. bye for now. it's a fun soul searching.